Mass....and Religion

For a variety of reasons, I decided to go to Mass today.

For those that don't know, I'm a Catholic, self-described as 'non-practising' for a few years now, for reasons which would take up another chapter and a half in this post, so i will leave it for now....

Anyway, I went to Mass today. At St Patricks Cathedral, Stobswell, Dundee. a 5 min walk from my flat, in the freezing fog this morning, visibility 2 metres; passing council workers sweeping up leaves and shopper's rubbish and the odd bit of vomit near the pubs, past the butchers open early for xmas orders to be collected, past the newsagents selling macaroni cheese pies with half price christmas cards, into the church i walked up the steps behind a 4ft tiny man with a walking stick wearing a 'tammy' and gloves.

Nice church. Big. Lovely woodwork and stained glass. Stained glass windows on my side a few panes were broken, so kept my coat on. could see your breath after saying 'amen'. Eavesdrop to 'the regulars' gossiping about the 'new neighbours' who were about to move in, did Ron know anything bout the 'hart's?' big family, but there's 2 names on the door, don't know the mcCarthy's. hmmm.....

Anyway, mass starts. I look around. Silver hair rebounds off the woodwork. I'm the youngest one there by a couple of decades. Apart from the altar boys, and the priest looks about 50ish. No families. No babies crying and people in the row behind making faces at them to keep them entertained. They still say 'our father who art in heaven'. still answer the gospel reading with latin. Hymns: only know one. the rest are based on Emmanuel and latin. etc. etc.
This really is Europe. Some things are comforting, familiar. the priest sings....'through him, with him, in him....' the crib is up. Peace be with you. a smile as you turn around.

But they wonder why young people are leaving the church? The Pope still advocates no contraception, still judges against gay people, still judges...
I think back to my primary school and early teenage school masses.....
Tongan choir, a capella. one family taking up a whole pew. kids playing with toy cars on the top of the pew. Irish catholic nuns in habits singing heartily. the Christmas pageant. packed church. feeling faint, stuffy. too hot.

maybe it's just too cold for Christmas.

I think as an organised religion, Catholics have a lot to offer. But if European Catholics keep on like that, they'll keep wondering why the churches are a third full of silver-haired people on a sunday morning, why the numbers keep dwindling,why the doors are only open when mass is on.

just an opinion, like.

proper thanks

first of all, i'd like to say; especially at this time of year, that I am so lucky to know so many great people, all yous fullas, for starters!

Thanks for all your support and letters and hugs. even if I've been a few thousand miles away from you, i've felt them. It really means a lot to me and has kept me going.

I hope you all have a great Christmas and New Years.

I've been doing lots of thinking this year (i know, dangerous as that is!) and inspired by what Mr G wrote in a forum, this is my "the good, the bad" for 2006.


The good
I met some beautiful people.
I got engaged to a beautiful person. Bloody hell, I got engaged!!!
I went snowboarding and didn't break a bone! and also loved it.
I laughed, a lot.
I people-watched in the best places.
I went to Amsterdam.
I hugged one of my bestest friends.
I hugged my dad.
I kept in touch with people.
I went to South Africa with a cool person.
I hugged my brother and got to know my sister-in-law better. she's cool (but i already knew that).
I just hugged a lot of beautiful people.
I went to some cool gigs.
I got a cat! a cool cat

The bad
A beautiful person was taken away from us.
My bestest friend got sick.
i didn't hug my mum.
I didn't hug some friends when they needed it.
I didn't see nz/whanau.
I got frustrated and unhappy about little silly things.

2007: bring it on. I'm glad i don't know what's round the corner, it makes you appreciate every day that little bit more. I'm going to say what i always say (i don't believe in resolutions) but more of a guide for me: 'be true to yourself'. bloody hard to do, but i keep trying.......

there are no answers.

So

the funeral and memorial service has been.
and yet. I still think it's all a bad dream and i'll turn up to work and she'll breeze in the door...'sorry i'm late'.

yet i know that will not happen.

life goes on.
can I just stop for a minute please?
can i get off at this stop? take a tea break? recompose myself?
There are no answers. Yes, it's not fair. Yes, it doesn't make sense.
But we still miss her, it still hurts.

Time doesn't heal. But it helps.
and hope is a great thing

Another day dawns....

i read this somewhere, i think it was even a sunday newspaper article, and it's only a recollection of what they wrote (a while ago now), so it's not from me, but it really got me.....

'another day dawns. Somewhere a mother looks out her window to the rising sun, watching people emerge from their houses, clutching briefcases and bags, waving goodbye through windows to children, rubbish collectors diving through traffic to pick up bins, school kids wandering up to the school gates joking with each other, people swearing at traffic. Somewhere this day someone will blow out candles, someone will be born, someone will sit an exam, someone will be getting married, and someone will be late for another meeting. It's just another day. The mother moves from the window, and prepares to go to her child's funeral.'

On wednesday night a work colleague and moreover, a very good friend of mine died in a car crash near Blairgowrie, where she lives. She had recently got engaged, and was even more happy than her permanent bubbliness and vitality. It has rocked our wee team at Blair. We can't even imagine what her parents and family and fiancee are going through.

So I didn't get a chance to say it, but Goodbye and God bless, Karoline with a K, you will be missed every day.